I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
