Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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