They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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