Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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