How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
