just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
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Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
don't judge my taste in strippers
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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