In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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