I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just had sex on a roof
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
