Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
