I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
