I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
be right there i have to get my cape
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
