I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
