I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize