i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
