Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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