I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
