And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
