Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she smelled like a LAN party
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Congratulations! We have a period
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
