Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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