do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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