she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"