id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!