well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.