She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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