I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night