if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"