Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.