I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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