My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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