When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
