Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
