Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
