we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
