AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
