Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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