dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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