I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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