sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
