I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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