I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
