you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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