I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
