When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
