why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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