Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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