Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The feeling are messing with the penis
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
