I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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