there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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