Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
