Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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