Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
