It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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