the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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