So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
