just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
