Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
