so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
