I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
