if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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