She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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