I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
