so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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