Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
