I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
