exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
