is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
