Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
