I just pynch a tree in the face
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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