i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
