DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
